We need a referee

She said…

We’ve been watching that new show “The Marriage Ref” lately. In case you haven’t seen it, a panel of three celebrities and another guy, who is the ref, watch snippets of chronic disagreements between couples. The panel then banters back and forth, weighs in, says something inappropriate and then the ref guy decides who’s right. Every couple should have a ref-in-waiting (minus the panel). It’s a brilliant idea and funny too. We get a kick out of the ridiculous problems and interactions that go on between the couples.

The other night, one of the couples was fighting because the husband has a large statue in the foyer that totally creeps out the wife. She thinks its eyes are following her. She wanted it out. He wanted to keep it. The ref voted in his favor but suggested he throw a blanket over it. That got Thomas and I thinking that we should submit ourselves for the show if only to get the cruise each couple receives as a prize for being obnoxious on national television. That got us thinking about what stupid, trivial things we bicker over constantly.

Here’s mine:

Thomas is lucky enough to have a beautiful head of dark hair that, when it’s a little long on top, makes the most luxurious wave. Whenever his hair is that long (and I’m talking maybe only three inches long), he gets all sorts of compliments from friends, family and co-workers. The problem is he hates it. He likes short, short, crew-cut hair. If he could pull it off, he’d shave his head completely. I’m sorry but he just doesn’t look good with his hair that short. He looks mean and his receding hairline and balding patch on the crown of his head show up when it’s that short. The longer hair hides all of that. Yes, I was even mean enough to point that out to him. His response to all of us is “it’s my hair on my head and I’ll wear it any way I want!” He’s absolutely right but as the kids point out “yea but we have to look at you.”

He said…

Ok, here’s mine:

In the summer, Courtney wears pretty, cottony nightgowns to bed. They are light, airy and strappy – very nice. But in the winter, she goes all Nanook of the North on me and wears layer upon layer of clothing including fuzzy socks. She has even worn a sweater and a shawl to bed during a cold snap. But that’s not enough. Some of these winter sleepwear items are worn to a thread and ripped. Her favorite winter nightgown is this enormous, red plaid thing with a ripped elbow. She’s had it since before we were married! Her favorite flannel pajama pants (also over 20 years old) have a rip that now runs the full length of her leg. She knows it’s ridiculous but she says it’s comfortable. “Now I’m not bound by the constraints of the knee or elbow,” she reasons.

I hate it. I think she should have as much pride in what she wears to bed as she does in what she wears outside of bed. However, I can relate. Like my hair, she wants to wear what she wants to wear because she likes it to which I say, “yea, but I have to look at you.”

What would The Marriage Ref say?

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