What is the one word or phrase your significant other says to you that sends you over the edge? You know, the thing that makes fire come out of your eyes or, even worse, makes your soul deflate just a little?
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. Then, coincidentally there was a discussion about the very topic on the “Dom and Jane” show on Mix 100.3. They threw out the question to their listeners and were flooded with fervent calls. Some of my favorites were:
- “What did you do all day?” from a husband to his stay-at-home wife.
- “We need to take care of such-and-such” when you know that “we” really means “you”.
- “You need to relax” from a husband to his wife whenever she shows concern or questions something.
That last one really hit home for me. Thomas loves to say “Chillax” to me as though the hip mixing of “Chill out” and “Relax” somehow makes it more tolerable. Instead, I get a vision of some surfer-dude saying that to his “old lady”. Why does it bother me so much? The woman who called into the radio station hit the nail on the head – because it says that my feelings aren’t valid or worth considering. “That’s it!” I yelled at my radio while driving that day.
When I ask, “How are we going to find the money to pay for XYZ?” or “Can you let me know when you’re going to be home so I can schedule dinner?” or “Help, I’m bleeding profusely” and my husband says, “Chillax”, I want to ring his neck! I wouldn’t bring it up if it weren’t important TO ME and that’s the key. If it’s something I am concerned with, I’d like to discuss it and get an answer or resolution. Why is that asking so much? I certainly do the same for him!
This isn’t exclusive to “significant others”. Parents, I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that kids also do this. I often hear my kids say: “You don’t need to repeat yourself all the time, Mom!” to which I say “I wouldn’t have to repeat myself if you did what you were told the first time.” Or, “You can’t possibly know what it’s like for me because you were a kid sooooo long ago.”
I love being a wife and mother. I love being a wife and mother. I love being a wife and mother.
Oh, I am so tempted to make my sole response to Courtney’s post: “Chillax!”
But that would be pretty snotty of me. Instead, I’ll elaborate.
I know exactly how my wife feels. I feel the same way when I hear from her lovely lips:
1. “Can I ask you something?” when I’m in the middle of my favorite TV show
2. “We need to talk” when I am exhausted and dropping off to sleep
3. “’We’ need to…” when I know she means “me” (I guess that one is universal)
I know Courtney has things she wants to talk to me about and many, many things she is worried about – she’s a natural worrier and a self-described “catastrophic thinker”. So, in my efforts to ease her worries, rather than go into detail about how I’ll figure out how to pay for XYZ, or when I’ll be home soon and not to hold dinner or where the bandages are, etc. I just sum it all up in one phrase:
Tango with us: